july things

august starts tomorrow, everyone is shopping for fancy tops, and it was a big week for the dresses in my life

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Last week was a doozy, am I right?! Maybe it was the stars, maybe it’s the summer, maybe it’s hormones, or maybe it’s just good old fashioned life, but for some reason the end second half of this month has really taken a toll. I know I say a variation of the same thing all the time, but it never ceases to be true!

It’s hard to believe that we are entering August tomorrow. This summer has flown by, and I have hardly been able to do the things I love to do - slow strolls of the farmer’s market, beach days, perfecting the art of a homemade BLT. It feels like summer should be just beginning - not creeping towards it’s end - but with our packed month ahead, that first day of school will be here before we know it (no matter how late it is this year).

Anyways. In writing more frequent recaps of things I’ve started to realize just how bad I am at taking notes. I tell myself I’ll remember to tell you about something and then mere moments later it’s slipped from my head. I will try to do better about it moving forward, though I know that’s an empty promise. Maybe it’s just something I’m not that good at, and maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I don’t need to talk at you guys about everything. Maybe I don’t need to note every article or book consumed. Maybe I don’t need to list every item purchased. Maybe it’s time to just let things be as they are and do what I can and leave what I can’t, you know? Maybe that’s how we get better at life. By sometimes just letting things be as they are, releasing the need to force, optimize, note take, record. Allowing ourselves the grace and space to let go of what’s not meant for us, forget a few things, and simply just do what we can.

So with that, here’s your July recap of the things I remember loving, buying, wearing, doing, reading, and pondering over the last month.

things I loved:

• emma lewisham oil cleanser*: I’ll admit I was skeptical of an oil cleanser, but turns out I love it.

• loeffler randall pasha pants*: I get so many complements on these when I wear them (I got a 6 but probably should have gotten a 4, for reference)

• barbie (the movie): my daughter made my mom buy her a barbie while we were at home and then she asked to watch the barbie movie and though I assume she really meant she wanted to watch some sort of animated movie I am selfish so I put on the Margot Robbie version and man, it’s so good. I know my kid doesn’t understand it at all, but if I have to watch something on repeat I will gladly have it be that, though I admit much of it hits different after becoming a mom to a daughter

  

  relatable

• this beaded mejuri necklace*: I originally wanted peridot, my birthstone, but it wasn’t available so I went with blue topaz because when I googled it told me it symbolized “clarity, honest communication, and emotional calm” which are all things I need right now so I’m refusing to take it off for the foreseeable future

• also this lizzie fortunato necklace* because it’s tons of fun and I have gotten many, many complements on it!!

• the realreal: I sent my annual box off to The RealReal recently and it felt so good to get stuff cleared out and now I can’t wait to get my credit back to buy a bunch of stuff I’ve had my eye on (which you can shop here. And if you want to sell yourself - I promise it’s super convenient and easy! - find out how here) Pro tip: just leave a box in the corner of your closet and fill it throughout the year. As you try something on and it doesn’t work immediately put it in the box so you don’t have to think about it and it’s out of sight. When the box is full, send it off. Couldn’t be easier.

  

  dries van noten dress, prada mules, comme si boxer shorts, wales bonner skirt, toteme pumps, ralph lauren scarf, aeyde pumps, toccin dress, bode shirt, loeffler randall beaded bag, staud crop top, staud tote, isabel marant boots, toteme tube top

• a long, hard, slow run though prospect park. about once a quarter I encourage my husband to take my daughter to visit his parents on long island. I frame it as a treat for them to get to see his folks and for his folks to spend time with lou, but really, it’s just as much for me as it is for them. I like me time on occasion, and it really is incredible how much better I feel after one night alone and a full day to get shit done/answer to no one but myself. I feel guilty, sometimes, but I also know I need it, so I’m choosing to make peace with that. anyways. this past sunday was the day they were gone, and it was a beautiful morning. though I am still dealing with a knee injury and motivation issues, I forced myself to get out and run. I ended up going about nine miles - slowly, uncomfortably - through prospect park, and though I had to walk a bit and stop often to pee and maybe will pay for it in knee pain for the rest of the week it felt so good to just move and challenge myself and try not to beat myself up for gowing slow and taking breaks and learning how to be a beginner again.¹

• my friend Charu launched the sweetest kids brand, and everyone should go check it out!

• ralph lauren dress: I wore this to my sister’s baby shower and thought about buying it then they sold out before I could but then I got a package from my mom and she had bought it for me for an early birthday gift and how sweet is that?! thanks, mom!!

things I bought:

• london falling (I’m about halfway through, excellent) & the compound (highly recommend): I have a self imposed rule that when I buy a fiction book I also buy a non-fiction book and vice versa. Both of these had been on my list for a while.

• the squared planner: mid year is a weird time to buy a planner but I hadn’t found one I loved and then this one came into my life and I’m obsessed

• brooks running shoes: it was time for a new pair!

• farm rio skirt: this was somewhat of an impulse buy but I keep seeing all you fashionable people wearing cute printed mini skirts and I wanted to, too! Mines from The RealReal and there are a lot of fun similar options there!

• I am putting these under bought, as I don’t really have another category. I suppose gifting, but that’s not quite right either (do you guys care about what I’m being gifted/should I make that a category??). Anyways. For work, I am allotted a certain dollar amount in a clothing allowance I can spend each season. It’s mostly for our in house brands, but the rule is that if I wait until sale, I can use it on whatever is left of third party as well. Now, if there’s something I truly love from third party I’ll either order myself an extra at wholesale (perk of the job) or buy it with my discount and just pay for it. But, I tend to wait until the end of the season and pick over what’s still available, as chances are good that I’ll like the things that are left - I did do the original buying after all! This season I got wildly lucky, and managed to get my hands on some great pieces like this Munthe skirt, this Samsoe Samsoe dress I got specifically for an event in CPH, this Stella Nova skirt I have zero use for but love so much, and this glowing Our Sister jacket.

things you bought:

ok this is so fun this month as what you guys clicked is a little all over the place and I love it! normally you all get hyper-fixated on something, like pull on pants, but this month a lot seemed to pique your interest! here we go:

1. Organic Basics Tube Top (I love how many of you loved this)

2. J Crew Palermo Top

3. Dissh Organza Drop Waist Top (I guess we all want some fun, kinda sexy tops right now!?)

4. Levi’s Baggy Dad Jeans

5. Left on Friday Hi Tide Bikini Bottom (it’s worth the hype)

6. Rag & Bone Organza Short Sleeve Shirt

7. Quince Mini Skort Dress (practical and good for this gnarly summer we’ve been having)

8. Margaux Parra Flats (personally still obsessing over these, too)

9. Alex Mill Coco Track Short

10. Kindred Bravely Kids Backpack (bts is right around the corner!!!)

things I did:

• Louisa and I had 4th of July weekend to ourselves, so I took her to see the Iris van Herpen exhibit at Brooklyn Museum and it was truly excellent. Her attention span is short for this type of thin, but she was enamored by all of the shiny textiles and beautiful dresses. It’s not to be missed.

• We took a quick trip home to the midwest for my sister’s baby shower and it was lovely. Read more here.

• It was a total pinch me moment when J Crew reached out to invite me and Lou to an event celebrating their capsule collection with The American Museum of Natural History. It was also one of those moments where I was like: yeah, this is why you raise a kid in NYC. It was the sweetest evening - after hours at the museum around the feet of a dinosaur with arts and crafts for the kiddos, cocktails for the parents, and dino nuggets for everyone? Yes please. I hardly got any good pics, but the way Louisa cried when we had to leave tells you everything you need to know!! She also was thrilled to meet Abe on the walk to the Subway - new bestie alert?? - and was so excited about her new shirt she stripped down on the sidewalk and wouldn’t budge until I let her put it on.

things I read:

• Pineapple Street: great, easy read. I love when books talk about places I’m familiar with.

• The Compound: obsessed, so good. It has stuck with me, and though I don’t watch Love Island it gives me the same vibes as what I think the show is. (related: read this piece by Hanna Horvath)

things I wore:

I had a day of market appointments on a sweltering Friday after I went to a morning SoulCycle, so an easy dress and flip flops was kind of perfect for just throwing in my bag and getting on with it. Wearing: Samsoe Samsoe dress, flip flops, Elisa Johnson sunnies*, Parker Thatch bag* (rings are Aurate* and Catbird)

We had a work event so I needed to dress up a tiny bit - during the day I wore sneakers to commute and go to a few market appointments, then for the evening I switched the sneaks out for a nicer shoe. I think I’m going to get a lot of use out of this fun skirt!! Wearing: very old & Other Stories button up, Munthe textured skirt, Adidas sneakers*, Dolce Vita kitten heel flip flops*.

We had a party at the store where I had five drinks and stayed out until 11 so naturally I was not feeling my best the next day and just threw on this, but I didn’t hate it! Wearing: Adidas sneakers*, Adidas pants*, vintage RL button up, Casio watch.

I have worn this exact outfit so many times recently. There’s something about the comfiness of the big shorts and shirt, the proportions of an oversized top and shorts, and the structure of a solid necklace and loafers that makes me feel good. Wearing: Freda Salvador loafers*, J Crew shorts (old, similar), Apiece Apart button up (old color), Lizzie Fortunato necklace*. Bag is Parker Thatch* and yes that’s a Substack branded tiny pouch.

Threw this on for the office after pilates. Though I am only recently a dress person, I will note that they are extremely easy, especially when I need to throw something in my bag for after a workout. Wearing: Everlane mini dress, Arket shirt around the waist, Mejuri necklace*, Raen sunnies, Margaux sandals*

I picked up Lou and met AJ for dinner at Fat Rabbit in our neighborhood Friday night, and blessedly we’ve been seeing the temps dip a bit in the evenings so I got to wear my new jacket. I was wearing this Everlane mini dress all day, so I just threw on my new favorite obnoxiously bright jacket and flip flops.

Trying to get back into long Sunday runs, despite my bum knee. I will likely pay for this spontaneous 9 mile jaunt, but it felt good to be out there at the time. Wearing: old Uniqlo running shorts, CRZ sports bra, Brooks Running shoes, old Lululemon running belt, and Organic Basics tank*.

On my way to have dinner at a bar (at Strange Delight) by myself after my husband and kid went to Long Island for the evening. Wearing: J Crew sandals*, old J Crew shorts that have become a late summer staple, old Apiece Apart button up (same here, just in a different color), and Mejuri necklace*.

I really wish I would have taken a better picture of this, but I’m sure it’s not the last time I’ll be wearing this slightly out of character but turns out I love it dress!! J Crew kindly sent both me and Louisa something to wear for their AMNH event, so we both picked out fun dresses (her idea). I felt great in this one, which I don’t say a lot with dresses!!! Wearing: Mejuri necklace*, J Crew dress*, Melissa jelly sandals*

things I’m pondering:

Ok I gave this as required listening earlier this week - did any of you do it?! It’s really no surprise that I’m linking yet another Diabolical Lies podcast here, but frankly those gals never miss. I am supremely interested in what they call the “hot girl hamster wheel” and am always up for a nuanced conversation about beauty standards and Botox. Let me start by saying I do Botox. I am not anti Botox, nor am I one of those people that thinks one must do it. I started a couple of years ago, go maybe 2-3 times a year, and have a friend that does it so I get a really good deal (I would not do it for more than what I am currently paying). I do it because it makes me feel good. I do not do it because I think it is going to solve all my problems or get me a raise. Ok now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to note that so much of this circles back to who we are “performing” and how that informs our choices, much like fashion. In both, we are likely performing for one of three things: the female gaze, the male gaze, or ourselves. In my youth, I realize that I was often performing for the male gaze - I would wear what I thought would gain me male attention, do my hair and makeup in a way that would do the same, and generally try to look hot for guys because I was in that mating phase of my late 20’s where all I wanted were dates. You know the time. As I’ve aged, I feel happy to say that I now tend to perform for me - I wear the things that I think I look good in, I partake in skin and beauty rituals that make me feel good - but of late, I’ve realized that much of that performance has shifted now to be for the female gaze. That of my friends, sure, but mostly that of you people following me on the internet. It’s been a strange phenomenon, realizing that when I get dressed in the morning I’m thinking about how I feel and what I need to do that day, but also how it might portray me to neighborhood moms on the playground, followers on Substack, and as links to sell products. I’m reluctant to ascribe good or bad to this because I don’t think it’s inherently either, but I do think it’s important to think about our performance and what we do to our faces and wardrobes in this context. I mean, isn’t that how Man Repeller kicked off into fame all those years ago, too? I realize all of this is still somewhat of a half baked thought, but I want to know how you all are feeling about it, too!

alright, that’s it from me. see you tuesday!

xx

1. yes i realize calling a sporadic 9 mile run a beginning is a little crazy but that’s what it felt like and everything is relative!!!!