the weekly: and

On our drive home from Kingston on Sunday I popped on a recent Ezra Klein Show episode titled “Our Lives Are an Endless Series of ‘And’”. I was pretty intrigued given that, perhaps oddly, the word “and” and what it means is something I think about a lot. I mean, I even have an ampersand tattooed on my arm, and although it’s embedded with meaning for me, I always have a hard time explaining why when the question comes up.

But this episode actually summed up a lot of my feelings on it nicely, and definitely more eloquently. Because I’ve always had this feeling that and is the most important part. This was true when I was younger and attempting to figure out who I was in this world, and as I’ve entered motherhood, it has become even more resonate. As women, as mothers, we are an endless series of “ands”. We are soft and strong, angry and joyful, tired and energized, driven and content, women/mothers/wives/daughters/sisters and full human individuals with needs separate from others. Rather than these sides being like a coin - one showing, the other hidden - they are instead intertwined like two separate vines, twisting through our core, our limbs, to fill us up with a wild range of contradictions that make us who we are. And it is this set of contradictions that makes us not just who we are, but better versions. Because in order to hold true empathy for others, to raise a child, to be a partner, an employee, and sister, a friend, and to simply walk through this world in kindness, one needs to know how to feel it all, how to be it all.

The episode was premised on Ezra’s current struggle balancing the horrors of the world at large with the joys of his world at home, something I know a little bit about, and I’m sure you do too. How do we find joy in reading to our kids at bedtime when we know children in Gaza are starving? How do we enjoy a glass of wine with friends when we know wildfires are raging? Are we wrong to enjoy the sun on our face in the park when we know our own government is disappearing people from the streets? In this world of such sadness and terror, can we be both/and? How can we be both horrified and joyful at the same time? How can we grieve and enjoy the light?

Of course, the answer is that we contain multitudes, and that part of the human experience is to be able to hold two thoughts, two feelings, two emotions at the same time. We are uniquely capable in that way. And we owe it both to ourselves and to those around us to feel all the things - the light, the joy, the hope alongside the sadness, the terror, the rage.

I’ll admit that the tattoo was actually mostly inspired by a youthful bought with depression, one in which I wasn’t sure why I wanted stick around. But the ampersand, the and, kept haunting me. It was a sign, to me, that there is always an and, a what’s next. That even though things can feel bad, and frankly, often be very bad, there is still more. There is always more to love, to find happiness in, to find peace in. And that still rings true today, albeit in a slightly different way. I definitely want to stick around these days, but the world is heavy, and amongst that heaviness it’s important - crucial - to find light. To find the and.

Below the paywall this week you’ll find:

• Some cute toddler clothes I’m loving

• A little recap of my Field + Supply visit plus a few gems in Kingston

• A few things I’ve been buying and coveting

• What I wore this week (and why!)

• More ranting about tradwives!

Enjoy!